Am I living the life I was meant to live?
“Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, for the straightforward pathway had been lost.” - Dante Alighieri
Today, on the 17th of June, 2024, someone messaged me something along the lines of, “Sometimes I wonder if I am living the life I want to live, and not the one I was meant to live.”
I was confused by this message, as it was from someone I am not very close to, but I responded anyway.
“I believe that is the same thing, I think if you enjoy your life and you want to live it, then it must be the one you were meant to live.”
“I think I agree with that.” They said at last.
I thought about it for hours, or at least a few before I forgot about it. Was I living the life I was meant to live? Was I doing what I was destined to do? Of course, I thought. If I were destined to do something, I would do it. I then thought further about my life so far. Soon, I will be going to college, soon I will be twenty, soon I will be thirty, soon I will be forty and fifty and sixty and so-and-so and soon I will be dead. What does it matter? It is the thought all teenagers have, and we all believe that we are the first to have truly thought about it.
Does it matter what I do, if I could be gone at any moment? I think so. I am young, I am sad, and I am hungry, but would I prefer not feeling those things? Somehow, I don’t think so. I would prefer to stay as I am forever, living a life of sorrow, over not living at all and staying nothing in the inky pools of forever I see only glimpses of beneath my eyelids. I stay inside and read, and watch, and think about nothing at all, and still, I find that better than not being alive. And I believe my thoughts will change— as all things do— and I am content with that. And, and, and. It is how we are built to behave.
Don’t be so harsh on yourself because you are confused, thinking for hours on what could have been, or what should have been. Any path is better than none. The act of choosing a path makes you stronger than if you were to sit and do nothing.
It is more productive for me to hope that all will be well.
On a less sad note, I read The Princess Bride! Twas splendid, I hope to read more throughout the summer, hopefully more full-length books and less Kafka. No offence to Kafka.
Sincerely,
Ad Arnold
