Nonsense Writing, Short Stories, and Why I will be Famous in (Hopefully) the Near Future
Nonsense Writing and microwaves
I will not lie to you, reader (whoever you may be,) I have not been working as much as one should when their debut novel is soon to be published. I have been— as I have been since the dawn of time, I assume— writing nonsense. I sit to edit, or sit to read, or do anything of importance to this book which I hold above all other things in my life, and I am suddenly struck with the urge to write screenplays, short stories, and even POEMS! If you see me posting poetry ever in my life, please take that as a sign that I am at my lowest. Perhaps even below my lowest. I would be Dante’s Inferno Nine Circles of Hell low. (If you are reading this in the future and I have a book of poetry published, please print this blog post and use it as a bookmark, and know that somewhere I am feeling a shiver run down my spine.)
One of the nonsenses I have been writing is a sci-fi dystopia about a post-apocalyptic world covered in ice with wolves the size of houses, cannibalistic radiation-filled monsters, and microwaves mistaken for plants. I hope you now have a better understanding of the nonsense I am writing. I have also started writing one set in hell, starring a psychopomp (think again of Dante’s Divine Comedy. Have I read it? Oh, you silly, silly reader. Of course not! But I own a beautiful hardcopy of it, and that is all that’s important to me at this time.)
Buy my book
I wish to blog more and to hopefully give you more of a look into my mind outside of Detective Clover (which is— I shant allow you to forget— coming out AUGUST 8 OF THIS YEAR! IN LESS THAN ONE MONTH! If you don’t buy it, just know I will not forgive, and I will DEFINITELY not forget.)
I believe that it will be entertaining for us both, or at least for me, I apologize if this is not entertaining, but perhaps that is your fault. Did you have a bad day today? Let me know! Actually, please don’t. I haven’t gotten any emails from people who looked at this website, and I am kind of happy about it. I am more of a reading-emails type of person and less of a writing-emails sort.
In exactly one month, I will be moving into a dorm, with someone I do not yet know. Terrifying! Spine-chilling! Human connection! I can already tell I shall be a dreadful roommate, either entirely silent or far too UNsilent (“Why hello, new roommate, care to guess how many jellybeans I am holding in my fist right now? Hint: it’s more than ten!”) I apologize in advance to this person, but also not too much, because I’ve been planning a stand-up routine involving jellybeans, and I need someone to bounce ideas off of. About two weeks ago I moved house, and I only just now have a bed-frame, hooray! I got a canopy bed, so that every morning I can feel like royalty before I smell the “southern hospitality” my cat left outside my door. Sorry, was that gross? Twas not my intention.
I’ll be honest, I have no idea where I am going with this, but I am having a lot of fun! I found a grammatical error in my book today, which is probably the worst thing to find in the late LATE stages of editing, but what are you going to do? Worst case scenario, the book gets zero reads or purchases, and I die alone in a ditch like Edgar Allan Poe.
Kidding, obviously. Oh! I have a good idea, would you like a list of books I’ve read so far this year? It’s not that long, don’t worry. I have a bad tendency to start books, reading over 50%, and then decide I would rather clean every floor of my house with a toothbrush Cinderella-style than continue reading. To feel productive, this year I started reading short stories. In order to keep things concise, I will only say the title of the story, the author, and what I rated it out of five.
What I Have Read So Far This Year
The Library of Babel - Jorge Luis Borges - 5/5
1984 - George Orwell - 3/5
The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka - 4/5
A Country Doctor - Franz Kafka - 3/5
The Princess Bride - William Goldman 5/5
The Stranger - Albert Camus - 4/5
“Repent, Harlequin!” Said the Ticktockman - Harlan Ellison - 4/5
My future fame, fortune, and obvious zest for life
Perhaps my constant sarcasm for this entire post has made you believe that I am unhappy at the moment, but really that is not the case. I have found that at my worst I am a wonderful person to be around (apart from all of the crying,) and when I’m happy I am the most annoying person on Earth. I am very happy that I have moved! I am getting paid to go to college! There are still many things I am stressed about, of course, but I am content. I no longer cry myself to sleep, I still love writing (I hope to always do so, but I am savoring it just in case,) and (get this!) I got recognized in public for the first time! As an author! And not just as the kid who talks too much and dresses like a waiter!
Allow me to set the scene, it was an hour before college orientation began, and I am sitting alone, unfortunately reading Jane Eyre in public because I am #notlikeother45yearoldmen (in reality I promised a friend I would read it, and did not realize I looked like that one video of those guys pretending to read feminist literature outside a cafe) when one of the staff (another student, but a few years older) had me sit beside her. I was very fortunate, because at that point I realized how pretentious I looked reading Jane Eyre in public when I had a perfectly good Walmart phone to pretend to look at. Some of her friends sat with us, and they were all asking me the things that everyone would ask me for the rest of the day. “What’s your name? Is that really your name? What’s your major? Do you like being poor? You must like being poor!” And I told them that I am majoring in English, and that I am actually publishing my first book very soon on the Great yet also Evil Amazon dot com. Upon hearing this, the girl who first spoke to me gasped and said “I saw you on facebook!” And took a photo of me holding a book about women’s history. (She actually let me borrow the book, I am very grateful and so far it has been a very good read. If you are reading this, please know you made my day.) It was amazing.
So yes, that is why I have decided that I will become famous some time in the near future, perhaps not with this book, perhaps not with the next ones either, but one day. One day I will look back at who I am now, and I will be forced to tears with how psychic I was.
“You are being egotistical, Ad! Your book isn’t even out yet!” I am being hopeful, perhaps you just aren’t being egotistical enough.
Anyway, I shall bid you all goodnight. It is 9pm, and I need to stare at a wall for at least three hours before going to bed. Don’t forget to buy Detective Clover and the Mystery of the Manor from Amazon on August 8.
